You don’t have to be everyone’s best friend

Last month, we explored why positive workplace relationships matter and how trust helps teams perform at their best. This month, I'd like to look at the other side of the equation because while workplace friendships can be a huge positive, they also come with a watch-out.

Friendly teams work differently

Workplace friendships can create problems when they turn into cliques. A group that has worked together for years may have its own language, shared history and jokes that make perfect sense to them while leaving everyone else feeling as though they have arrived halfway through a complicated film.

Friendship becomes particularly unhelpful when decisions are made informally, information is shared selectively or the same people are always offered the most interesting opportunities.

A genuinely friendly team makes room for people. It doesn’t require everyone to have the same personality, attend every social event or reveal the contents of their personal life over lunch. It notices who hasn’t spoken. It explains the joke. It invites different opinions and makes sure that connection extends beyond the people who naturally gravitate towards one another.

Be the person who creates connection

You don’t need to be the manager, team leader or Chief Friendship Officer to influence the quality of the relationships around you. Small behaviours make a difference. Give someone your full attention, for example, rather than continuing to type while they talk. Check in without immediately following it with a request. Share useful information instead of quietly guarding it like the last biscuit in the tin.

Offer help, but don’t take over. Introduce people who would benefit from knowing one another. Give credit freely. Thank people properly. If something is bothering you, speak to the person involved rather than everyone else in the team. And most importantly, take an interest in colleagues who are not immediately like you.

It’s easy to connect with people who share our communication style, background, interests or sense of humour, and it takes more thought to build relationships with people who see the world differently. However, those relationships often stretch our thinking and make the greatest contribution to the team.

A small friendship check-up

Take a moment to think about the people you work with. Who makes your working day easier, more enjoyable or simply more human? Who listens, encourages you, challenges you thoughtfully or steps in when things become difficult?

Have you told them?

Then consider the other side of the equation. What are you like to work with? Do you create trust, connection and space for other people to contribute? Do you bring something useful to the team - not only through the work you produce, but through the way you make others feel?

You don’t have to be everyone’s best friend, but you can aim to be the person everyone wants on their team.