Hello again. In part one of this article, we addressed feedback, our motives for giving it and how to ensure you examine your motive before you open your mouth.
Now that is sorted, you can deliver the feedback in a way that is taken well.
It is vital to know the go-zones and no-go zones of feedback. Derek Biddle, occupational psychologist and co-author of Leading and Developing for High Performance describes the layers of an onion. The inner layers represent our personality and values - who we are fundamentally and the standards and codes by which we live our lives. These are incredibly personal and tough to change (you could argue that we shouldn't have to change them and certainly not because someone we work with/for thinks we should). These are the no-go zones for feedback. Comment on people's personalities or values and you could be accused of hitting below the belt. The outer layers of the onion represent our attitudes - our approach to and views on things and behaviour - the outward signs of our attitude. These are the go-zones for feedback. They concentrate on what a person does, not who they are, they are easier on the ear and more likely to be acted upon. It's the difference between telling someone you desk share with (a likely scenario as office space shrinks to fit the needs of the hybrid workforce) that their messy papers, Post It note pandemic and nonexistent filing make it impossible for you to work and can you both sort out a better system: above the belt - and telling them they are a shambles with no idea how to organise themselves and you bet their home is in a right old state - below the belt.
It works with positive feedback too. Telling someone they're a fabulous person is nurturing and kind but more akin to feedback you give a mate and not terribly useful. Fabulous in what way exactly? And how can I transfer my "fabulousness" to benefit other areas of my work? Better to be told specifics - your positive impact on the team, your ability to manage a project well, your inspirational pitching style - with examples - than to be fobbed off with sweet but rather sweeping statements. So, keep your feedback above the belt.
A lot has been written about techniques and structures for feedback. Take it with a pinch of salt. In some places of work, it would be a start just to get people doing feedback at all, let alone trying to weave it around a fancy process. It goes a long way if you keep your feedback open, honest and respectful. Being open and honest is not enough. One person’s idea of being open and honest could be another person’s idea of brutal. The third part - respectful keeps any major offloading in check.
While we're on the subject of technique, beware the unsubtle ones like the Praise Sandwich (sometimes referred to with a different, altogether less palatable sandwich filling). The idea behind it is to sandwich some negative feedback between two bits of positive feedback thereby softening the blow. Guess what? We all know when it's being done to us and it gets used mainly when you have only wafer thin positive bread to act as bookends for a massive wedge of negative filling. "Thank you for turning up to work today - just about everything you do in your job is rubbish - but I really like your earrings." Okay, an exaggeration but you know how it goes. Better to say what needs to be said, check how they feel about it and what their view is and then look ahead. Any feedback that is constructive should be followed by some sort of action plan. If it is positive feedback, then acknowledge what has been done well, discuss how they can be even better and/or spread that success and look to the future. If the feedback is about something you want them to improve, it's a case of looking at how that might be done. The essence of constructive feedback really, is that life goes on after it. There is a future, a way to improve, a path to move on to.
Finally, there is a big element of getting your own house in order when it comes to feedback. You may be skilled at giving it, but how elegant are you at receiving it? We worked with a client when he was setting up a new team from scratch. Once the team had bedded in, he looked to work on his own self-awareness with a “full-circle” feedback tool that encouraged his staff and colleagues to give him constructive feedback about his work style, leadership and communication. The results were detailed and clear, in many cases extremely complimentary and motivating, in just a few, a little tough to take. But he took them all, welcoming the feedback and acting on it where he felt appropriate. His example inspired many of the team to be more open to feedback and make it a regular feature of their team culture. So, before you unleash yourself on unsuspecting colleagues, with your own special brand of feedback, do a quick check that you too can receive feedback with grace. Listen to it, ask questions about it, decide what you are going to do with it and above all, thank them for taking the time to give it – genuinely and not through gritted teeth.
They say all feedback is a gift. Sometimes it can feel like a badly wrapped one with unwanted contents. But it usually has something to offer and a colleague or team member being prepared to share a perspective with you – that takes guts, so take a deep breath and welcome it. They may even surprise you and say something positive. Now that’s a gift worth having.
We should be so good at doing feedback nowadays. It’s a shame we aren’t. We start with the best intentions – to give regular feedback and be open to receiving it too – yet when the pressure is on, we forget to make it a priority and fall back on the mealy-mouthed act of speedily pointing out the flaws and staying quiet about all the good stuff. We also worry that we don’t have the right to give feedback – to team members, colleagues and bosses. Not only is it our right to give it, it is their right to expect it and to give us feedback in return. It just needs to be done with a modicum of skill, compassion and common sense.
In this two-parter, we’ll examine how you give feedback and receive feedback well and avoid the pitfalls of silly techniques and inauthentic work-speak.
Part 1 - start on the right road by examining your motive. What is compelling you to want to give the feedback in the first place? It might be a genuine desire to help someone grow and develop, the need to stop someone who is behaving in a way that is holding them back, or a wish to comment on something you feel they do really well and the positive impact it has. These are all honourable motives and are likely to result in constructively delivered feedback. A compulsion to get something off your chest or to take someone down a peg or two are less honourable (though understandably tempting at times) and are more likely to lead to destructive feedback - and in the short term certainly, will do more harm than good.
Some motives could go either way for example, the desire to pass on the benefit of your experience through some feedback. If that is your motive then find a way to do it so it doesn't sound patronising: "Let me, the great sage of many years’ experience, pass down to you the rookie, the great honour of a particle of my considerable brain." We have all had that done to us at one time or other and rather than listen to the content of the feedback, it makes you want to thump the person. The benefit of your experience should be offered not imposed, and put into context, for example, this worked for you once but it may not work for them - for it to be a constructive experience.
Finally, beware the motive of cheering someone up where they're having a bad time, by giving praise. If you tell them things are better than they really are, and they are savvy enough to know they're not, they may distrust your feedback in the future. Better to talk to them about what is going wrong and give them some perspective on the situation, than try to stick a smiley plaster on a gaping wound.
Once you have your motive sorted you are ready to deliver the feedback. In Part 2 we’ll discuss how to give it so it is taken well. Then we’ll tackle feedback you might have coming your way – and how to receive it with grace. Because you know what they say – if you can’t take it….
How are your teams feeling about returning to the face-to-face universe? Some may have a spring in their step. But, on the other hand, some may be dragging their heels or worry about finding their work shoes and are considering arriving in their trusty slippers. (Warning – inappropriate footwear for the outer world).
It is finally happening, that normality that we were craving 18 months ago. Grabbing the coffee on the way to the office, the water cooler moments, being able to pop over to your colleague and chat something through. And yet…working from home is alright, your staff have adjusted beautifully, have their little customs and like the home/work balance they have created. If furloughed, they might have been anxious about the future or have enjoyed the freedom and loved taunting the people they live with who are stuck in numerous Team’s meetings.
We know the world has changed in many ways, but what about your workplace? Suffolk Mind has been researching the population throughout the pandemic. As a result, they know which emotional needs have been challenged over the last 12 months and have many ideas about what managers can do to enable their staff to feel better about coming back.
The interesting thing about their research is that many of us are not anxious about what we expect to hear. Overall emotional support was pretty high. Feeling connected to people and the community seemed relatively healthy. Most employers have done an excellent job through the pandemic and individuals have been resourceful about maintaining their emotional health if they can. Of course, there will be exceptions to this. You know your staff well, so you know where the support is still needed.
What is it that your staff may be anxious about? How can you as a manager support your people through re-entering the workplace?
The things keeping many people up at night as they prepare for returning to the workplace are all about practicalities. Some examples for you:
No doubt you are getting the idea. It reminds us of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, everyone slipping down from self-esteem to physiological and security needs.
The good news is that once we have all done the first couple of days, we will probably get back in the swing of it. The buses still smell the same, chinos are not that bad, and the packed lunch remained chilled.
How can you help the transition? A few ideas for you.
It looks like investing in elaborate wellbeing strategies might not hit the mark for everyone – knowing that the sandwich guy still comes at 11.30 might.
Happy re-entry, everyone.
www.suffolkmind.org.uk/ena - emotional needs audit
7/11 breathing with Suffolk Mind - YouTube - 7/11 breathing from Suffolk Mind
2020 forced us to embrace remote working and many have fallen in love. It makes sense, it saves time, money and energy and helps life feel more balanced. Apart from the home-schooling part as many a frazzled working parent will tell you. So in love are some that they claim they never need visit an office again; that they can connect with their colleagues perfectly well from a distance. As usual love is blind and if you look closely, the cracks are starting to show, so to avoid a splinter becoming a full-blown shatter, read on.
Firstly, some context. We haven’t worked permanently in an office for 30 years. We’re not sure we’d know how to anymore. We’d probably make endless faux pas and get hauled into small rooms for someone to have a word about speaking too loudly, snorting when laughing and upsetting Anna by drinking Vimto out of her favourite mug which says “Be grateful every day” on it - grateful for the mug indeed but that is beside the point.
In our many years of being office based, field based and managing both remote teams and ones who sit back-to-back, we can conclude that we are great fans of remote working. Follow the rules of good practice and any fellow nomad will tell you it’s an efficient and effective way to be a strong contributor. It is interesting then, that a one year enforced ban on office working for most, has highlighted the real value of being together with colleagues in one place and what we’re losing by being apart.
You may have observed working patterns in 2020 when the pandemic hit and then hung around. We can summarise these into three stages:
Stage one: Set Up and Reassure. Many industries moved fast to get people what they needed to function at home, set up morale building initiatives and a rash of one to ones and team meets to ensure everyone was coping and smiling. And if you were lucky, standards were adjusted, and expectations managed.
Stage two: Keep Calm and Commute. With home working now the norm, standards were restored. As restrictions eased, albeit temporarily, some ventured back into offices whilst others preferred (and in many cases were encouraged) to remain at home. Office returners welcomed more space, resources and human contact but had to navigate one-way systems, handwash stations and the shock of being only one of two people in the office.
Stage 3: Back in Solitary. A winter lockdown held little of the novelty of its sunnier predecessor and motivation levels waned. And that is pretty much where we are now, with hope on the horizon that we will emerge blinking into the light at some point soon.
These stages have served to show what we are truly missing by being apart and what we can do without. Here are three of each – add them to the mix when you discuss your longer-term policy for where work is located in future and how that impacts on business, team working and the sector in general.
Three reasons you don’t need to be in the office:
Having flown the flag for remote working, here are three powerful reasons why we need a return to base camp, for some of the week at least.
As with most things in life, balance is boring but key. Let’s create a future that combines a respect for remote working with a newfound energy for the office. For the good of team, we must once again learn to live together - and apart and maximise the benefits of both.
Happy new year and welcome to 2021! A probable game of two halves as we contemplate some dark months ahead before we emerge blinking into the warmth of a more familiar world as the year progresses. That’s the hope anyway.
But Covid or no Covid, January has always been a rather dry month where our need to be terribly grown up and apply ourselves after an extended break doesn’t always match our motivation to do so. So, looking January squarely in its dull grey eyes, here are three things you can do to bring some energy and fluidity to your working day.
Reconnect with your cause/mission
What gets you out of bed in the morning and skipping to work? Granted, it’s likely to be a short skip at the moment but you know what we mean. What is it that your organisation or business does to make the world a better place and how can you get closer to it? A lot of our clients have reported feeling more removed from the raison d’etre of where they work. Perhaps it’s the remote working, perhaps it’s just working very long and hard but it is easy to become disconnected and can be hugely motivating to remember just why you do what you do. Perhaps you could make closer contact with your customers, service users or beneficiaries and discuss the impact of your work. Is there a place that benefits from your good work that you could visit virtually? Or maybe it’s just a case of getting together with your team and discussing what motivates you to do this job and hearing about people’s experiences of times when they worked more closely and felt closer to the mission.
Consider what you want to add to your CV by the end of 2021
This is a question we regularly pose to our clients because it is easy for the year to slip away. It is one thing to work hard but quite another to work hard and embrace the new and gain skills and experiences. Consider what projects you would like to put your hand up for and to get more involved. Have a think about a new area of expertise that would benefit you, your work and your organisation. Would you like to move in to management or expand your team leadership? If you feel you’re suitably experienced, toy with the idea of becoming a mentor or coach to less experienced colleagues. Or all of the above. These are great things to master and add to your CV so you can look back over the year and know you’ve made yourself more marketable to your current or next employer.
Widen your networks and then get those within them to challenge you more
When was the last time you had a really stimulating conversation with a colleague or contact? It’s great to work with people who know you well and think like you but it doesn’t necessarily challenge you. It’s the people who bring different perspectives and approaches who make us slightly uncomfortable sometimes – and when you experience that discomfort, stick with it because it is likely you are learning and growing from it. So, join some new groups with a special interest which you could gain from. They are likely to be virtual for now and there are plenty of them, you just have to look around. Sometimes you need look no further than your own organisation, just outside the teams and regular circles you mix with. And when you do find them, consider what they could do for you and you for them. It may be that the experience feeds back in to points one and two and through these newfound networks, you feel closer to the mission and gain something valuable to add to your CV. So, it’s a win all round.
January will be over before we know it so let’s make it a good one to set us up for the year ahead. Tricky at times – highly likely, satisfying – definitely, dry – never!
Self-care. It’s got to be up there with the most frequently used words and phrases of the year alongside furlough, new normal, resilience and “You need to take yourself off mute David!”. Yet when we mention it, talk turns to bubble baths and box sets. This makes the assumption that self-care is something you need purely to recover from work rather than something that is part of work.
On a workshop this week the group were discussing said subject and most of the ideas centred around ways in which you take care of yourself by taking breaks from work.
Is that all self-care means? We don’t think so. Strategies which aid effective working and a healthy brain and body can be just as important while you work. And you don’t have to take a break to do it.
Here are 5 things to consider doing to bring self-care in to your 9 – 5 that are part of work not an escape from it:
We promised 5 things but here’s a bonus 6th self-care at work tip. Work-based learning. Take time to engage in it. Identify a skill you could do with honing; some expertise you’d like to develop or experience you would benefit from gaining and set about getting that learning need met. It may be as simple as talking to a colleague who has it or finding an interesting webinar to attend or a book to read. Learning that happens at work is quicker to apply and easier to integrate into your current practices. Learning makes us feel good and is a great way for you to add to your value as a team member and practitioner.
Self-care can still be something we engage in outside of working hours, but it doesn’t have to be limited to then. Self-care at work in the ways we suggest makes the day more interesting and challenges us in a good way. So, when the day ends (quicker than expected with these newly applied strategies) you can curl up in the bath with the box set because it’s an enjoyable to do rather than as a response to burn-out.
Redundancy. It's such a horrible term. It describes something that is no longer needed. We were made redundant 23 years ago and we survived and thrived. We set up a business together and we have never looked back. We know you would like to wipe the imagined smug look off our faces and we can’t blame you. That stuff doesn’t seem useful to you now, yet it is proof that you will pull through.
If you were asked how you are doing, what would you say? You might say you saw it coming and had already started planning for it. Or you might say with tears in your eyes that you feel hurt, rejected, and wonder why they picked you. Maybe you would pace the room angrily, telling of all the people that should have got the chop before you because they are all useless. These are strong, understandable reactions.
How did you find out? If it was a shock the old primeval stuff kicks in, and we fight, we flee we standstill. If it was evolutionary, a gradual realisation that your role may not exist in the new order, you might have had time to adjust to it, which softens the impact. Was it a result of a strategic restructure? You might have had full sight of the train coming down the line, or was it shrouded in mist? When that mist cleared, maybe you saw it as a new opportunity. Not all change is threatening, so what can you do to find your silver lining?
You've ridden the change curve of denial and resistance and now….nothing. You feel stuck in the waiting room which can be a tough place to be. You will be looking for the exploration and commitment bit of the curve, but you can't quite see it. One door has closed, but a new one hasn't opened yet because there is so much uncertainty in the world, making it difficult to see your next step.
The waiting room can be a stressful place. It is a place of continuous disruption and instability. You feel insecure, a sense of loss, and you must break old habits. You may have tried to make your world as small as possible so that you feel in control in an alien environment. Are you dreaming of the status quo of your old job? Do you find yourself blowing out the candle that lights up the waiting room, so you don't have to explore it or are you madly searching the walls trying to find the mythical new door?
This is a difficult phase, yet it can also be one of exploration, learning and resetting. You can light up the waiting room. The best learning comes when we are out of our comfort zone. Ask for help and support from your close friends, family, and your network of connections. The world is a friendly, supportive place. Look at those LinkedIn posts from people you have worked with who are now offering support. All connections are useful because you learn from them and create goodwill, which you can reciprocate at some point.
What are you missing to make progress? Intentional learning is an excellent way to keep you occupied in the waiting room. Research online learning, podcasts, groups you could join to fill gaps in your experience or knowledge. Learning from others is useful too. Is there somebody in the same position as you that you could talk to? Is your friend in an organisation or a job you are interested in? Can a member of your family help you draft an up to date CV and give you tips on interview technique?
Then one day, the door will open because you have made it happen. When it does, you will be the best version of yourself. In interviews, you will be able to dazzle the panel with the new skills, ideas, and perspectives you have harvested. You will be discerning about the roles you go for because you haven't panicked, you have control over your destiny.
Who did you learn from in the early stages of your career? Whether you were aware at the time or not, you were surrounded by good and bad examples of how to do things in your chosen field. This must have informed your choices as you progressed.
One such example from one of our clients came from a boss’s boss in their first job - a regional sales manager - who was overlooked for (well deserved) recognition over several years before finally getting promoted. When our client asked her how she kept her spirits up through all that waiting time she replied: “Oh I always behaved like a regional manager – I wasn’t going hang around and wait for the title. That was just the rubber stamp.” Big bit of career-shaping learning right there.
Learning from others has particular relevance at the moment with the temporary physical separation from our colleagues and bosses. Many of us have been working remotely for over 4 months now and whilst return is on the horizon, it’s a slow return and for some, the office as we knew it, is likely to be an occasional base rather than a permanent one.
In the early days of lockdown, the emphasis was on communication. We all got Zoom/Teams/WebEx/whatever You Use-savvy and developed creative ways of staying in touch and staying connected. Midway through lockdown, motivation waned as we realised this was going to be our main mode of communication for the foreseeable. We lamented the loss of the warm body experience, of meetings, away days, retreats, and events. It is exciting to see a cautious return to these on the horizon, to fill a gap that just can’t be filled remotely.
But actually, there’s another gap caused by Covid-19 that needs filling. When we ask our clients what they are missing about the office, group events are on the list but not top of it. Top of the list is those little nuggets of learning that happen simply because we are near others. It’s sitting next to your boss when they informally debrief with you on a tough negotiation. It’s hearing someone opposite you handle a call really well. It’s sitting in a meeting and seeing it chaired professionally. Sometimes it is the counter-example – a conversation handled badly, a conflict that escalates, an ill thought decision where we learn the “how not to” lesson.
At the moment with work as it is, we’re missing these opportunities to learn and to teach. This is a particular problem for our younger colleagues, who rely on these opportunities to develop and grow. So, what can we do until they can once again happen naturally?
If you’re experienced and, in a position, to teach – find opportunities to do so. Include slots for learning in your regular team meetings. Talk to the team about some of the challenges in your week and how you’ve sought to overcome them. Share your knowledge whenever you can because at the moment, they can’t pick it up from being near you.
If you’re in a position to learn – ask more questions. Show interest. Volunteer for tasks and projects that will stretch you and ask for a proper briefing and regular debriefing. This will help you to know how you are progressing in tasks and projects.
It isn’t complicated, you just have to make time for it and see it as a valuable part of work. That way this will be a year where we all learnt, not purely through adversity, but also just because we were at work and that’s where the learning happens. This can be the case even if the current workplace is the spare room, the kitchen table, or the end of your bed, until we meet again.
In the early days of lock down we conducted some wellbeing calls for one of our clients to check that all really was well. The organisation had done a brilliant job of setting everyone up with technology, keeping tabs on those that lived alone and allowing loads of flexibility around home circumstances like demanding toddlers and worries about family members. Their staff were grateful and commented that many of their friends were envious of this kind of support because they were not getting it. In the wind, though, there was a whiff of being over the question ‘how are you?’, in that very meaningful way we have been asking it.
Some observations we have made recently from the conversations we are having with clients might resonate with you.
Many people are managing all the plates they spin well. They are clear on their home/work boundaries, they communicate these clearly to people and perform to a high standard. Everyone knows when they are available, and any domestic challenges get dealt with quietly and without drama. If you work with someone like this, you have probably learned not to keep nagging them about their wellbeing because it is interpreted as…. well nagging! If they do ask for support, it is crisp, clear, and appropriate.
Those who are not quite in control of their surroundings can be a bit erratic. One day they are on it, the next it melts in their hands. It is all very well meaning and not malicious, but it begins to cause irritation. If you have a colleague or member of staff in this unpredictable state you may say “that’s fine, don’t worry just finish it when the dog has stopped ripping the sofa apart, your flat mate has paid the electricity bill and you’ve dealt with that really serious complaint you have forgotten”. In between your gritted teeth you are thinking ‘why can’t you just get a grip and deliver!”.
This is a behaviour we are hearing a lot about. It is described as a sense of entitlement. Some have been given so much leeway that instead of meeting you halfway with high performance they have decided they want everything on the shelves in the sweetie shop, plus the entire stock in the backroom too. For example, some people are deciding on their own that they are going to be permanently home based because it is so much easier for them. This is before the question has been asked or the policy on future homeworking has been written.
It is a tough one because you do not want to take away the wellbeing initiatives, but you also need to set boundaries. Some managers have said they are now scared of their staff because they think they can have anything they want if it makes life easier and if they don’t get it, they accuse you of undermining their wellbeing.
It might help to think about the simple concept of Triggers and Reinforcers. Behaviours are triggered and we repeat them because it is reinforced. For example, a member of your staff regularly asks you questions you know they can answer. Every time they ask, you answer which triggers the behaviour and when you keep answering them instead of pushing it back to them you reinforce it. Then you hear yourself thinking “I wish they would work it out for themselves” but wishing it does not make it so. You have to trigger a different behaviour (push the question back to them) and reinforce it (push it back every time they come to you and let them know they answered it well).
In lockdown managers have triggered an acceptance of giving their employees anything they need to drive their wellbeing and reinforced it by always responding to it – quite rightly. Many of your team will have responded by drinking in that wellbeing initiative, knowing it is something to be renegotiated down the line and that will be reinforced by you acknowledging it. Yet a minority want a never-ending refill of that wellbeing trigger and by delivering that you have reinforced the idea that they can. Instead of responding with high performance they are just sticking their cup out for you to refill it.
Has the time come to regroup and re-contract? Reset the trigger and reinforce a behaviour that suits everyone. This doesn’t mean undermining anyone’s wellbeing, it means getting performance back on track. Do you as a manager feel ready to have a few difficult conversations with individuals who would benefit from the lines being redrawn? Most humans want to perform well, one of the challenges of lock down has been lack of structure and sometimes lack of meaningful work to get our teeth into and this hasn’t been good for many of us. Triggering a revised way of mixing wellbeing with performance and reinforcing it by sticking with it might help you reduce wellbeing fatigue.
For support when starting those difficult conversations contact us….
It looks like we might be seeing less of each other for a little while. We didn’t need a virus to tell us that remote teams are a thing – many of us have been part of remote teams for years. But for the immediate future, we may all be part of a remote team.
Time is short and you may be feeling fraught so let’s keep this simple. Here are five things you can do if you are the team’s leader to ensure you don’t lose connection with colleagues, during times apart.
And finally, when you are physically together again, make the most of what was learnt from remote working. There may be some practices that work so well and lead to better results and happier people that they’re worth keeping. And for you as a manager, you can say that you have gained experience of managing remotely. That’s one for the CV.